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Dick Clark: Let's play the Pyramid!

William Shatner (my partner): Gargle with razor blades ... walk across hot coals ... watch a remake of Ishtar ....

Me: Things I'd rather do than write about the White Sox losing to the Twins 20-1.

Ding, ding, ding!

Yep, the Sox tied a franchise-record for biggest margin of defeat -- the other game was a 19-0 loss to the Angels in 2002. That's it. That's all I'm going to write about it. That's more than you want to read about it.

Tomorrow's another day. The Sox play the Pirates, who have the worst inter-league record in baseball history.

Of course, the Sox will be playing them without Jake Peavey, who decided he'd rather play for the going-nowhere Padres than the going-nowhere White Sox. For all of you who were dissing Peavey for not wanting to join the Good Guys (repeat disclaimer about "Good" not referring to team's performance), what do you have to say about it now? Give Kenny Williams and Jerry Reinsdorf credit. Kenny's out there trying to improve the club and Jerry agreed to pick up a huge amount of salary over the next few years for a pitcher -- which he hates to do. But this is precisely why guys negotiate no-trade clauses in their contracts: so they don't have to leave Southern California for Chicago just to play for a non-contending team in a homer-happy ballpark and face DHs instead of pitchers three times a game.

After today, I can't even bring myself to say "Go Sox!"