Sunday, February 24, 2008

Politically Correct

The Update would never tell any of its readers how to vote in the 2008 election based on politics. That wouldn't be PC (pun intended). But we have no reservations about endorsing a candidate on the basis of which baseball team he or she roots for -- especially since it's consistent with our politics anyway. Actually, when we tell you the facts, we suspect that you won't even need our endorsement to guide you.
Let's start with John McCain. He represents Arizona and is known as a Diamondbacks fan. Since the D-backs are a team that Sox fans don't care about one way or another, McCain's supporting his home state team is fine with us. It neither wins nor loses him points. Don't vote for him or against him based on his baseball preferences. (Mike Huckabee is a Cardinals fan, which The Update considers a good thing -- any enemy of the Cubs is a friend of Sox fans -- but someone please tell him that it's mathematically impossible for him to win enough delegates to capture the nomination, so he can stop running already.)
As for Hillary Clinton, The Update believes that she strikes out on three pitches. (This pains us to say since Hillary and your Update editor went to the same high school, Maine East. She was three years ahead of me and spent her senior year, my freshman year, at Maine South, so we were never actually in the same school at the same time. But in 1995 when she hosted her 30th high school reunion at the White House, she invited Maine East's class of 1965 as well as Maine South's. Wonder if Bill hit on Maine East's Sue Bachelor, who appeared on the cover of Playboy in November 1966.)
  • Strike one, she grew up a Cub fan. 'Nuff said.
  • Strike two, she claims to be a Yankee fan (a fact that came to light when she was contemplating a run for the Senate in New York, but not before. Hmm, a little too convenient, don't ya think?). If there's a team that Sox fans hate as much as if not more than the Cubs, it's the Yanks, right?
  • Strike three, according to one report we've read, Hillary said that growing up, she needed an American League team to root for and chose the Yankees because they always won. The Update doesn't like fans who jump on the bandwagon.

Three strikes and she's out.

That leaves Barack Obama. All you need to know is that the man's been a White Sox fan for decades. His wife, Michelle, grew up on the South Side and is a lifelong Sox fan. We presume their daughters are Sox fans. He threw out the first pitch at Game 2 of the 2005 A.L.C.S. We need a White Sox fan in the White House, so in that grand Chicago tradition: vote early, vote often.